OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
