It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
