Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
