I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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