dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
