ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im six kinds of drunk right now
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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