So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
