Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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