I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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