Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
