Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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