Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
