My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
