she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She bit a glass in half.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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