my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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