3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
