I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
