I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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