Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
