best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you never un-have a 4some
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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