Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize