I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
