fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
