I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
