I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
