You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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