First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
