Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize