Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
