My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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