Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
