I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize