glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
