omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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