There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
