i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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