Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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