I smell stomach acid.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
