if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
