get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
honey bunches of taint.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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