Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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