I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
