me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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