that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize