I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i drank out of a bidet.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
