I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
