is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
