I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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