I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
