Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You should frame my arrest warrant.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
