I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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