did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
