she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
