Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
