Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
