Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
