We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
