so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
