Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize