He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
