His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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