I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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