Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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