tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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